Also- for those of you who follow my posts on this blog, feel free to follow my monthly posts of loss, infertility, and adoption at www.smittenby.net. My posts go live the first Wednesday of every month. <3

Where I am now...nearly 11 months out.

Well, here I am... almost 1 year ago I was planning to meet you. This last year has been filled with my greatest joys, deepest sorrows, life-lessons learned, and love felt. In just 1 month I will be planning your birthday, but it will be so different than a typical one year old birthday. There will be no messy face, half-eaten cake, the blowing out of candles, gifts, laughs, and smiles. There will be balloons though. You won't be poking at them and carrying them around in your tiny hands. I will be sending them to you- in Heaven. As much as it hurts that this is my reality, it is just that- reality. I will openly admit that I have hard days without you here, but I have come to the point where I feel blessed. I feel blessed that I was given you, a choice spirit, a perfect angel as my son. How many people can say that? I feel blessed to have been given to opportunity to carry you for 9 months, and to feel your kicks and hiccups. Some people never get that opportunity. I feel blessed to know that you are mine forever, for eternity. You are my son and always will be my son and I will have the opportunity to raise you once again. I love you little man. Not a single day goes by that I don't think of you. I know I have you pulling for me in Heaven, and I have a feeling that we have some exciting things to come. <3