Friday, September 13, 2013

{Did you know}

My sweet baby boy,

Do you know you have a sister now? Of course you do, I know you helped bring her to us. It wasn't long ago that the two of your were together playing on streets of Gold. Have you seen how big she is getting? The way she smiles off into the distance makes me wonder if you are right there with her. Do you hear her coo's and giggles coming from the nursery that you both share? I'd like to think you are in there with her, making silly faces and tickling her toes. When I rock her at night and sing her to sleep, don't think that I don't feel you there with me, running your fingers through her dark hair. I know you are there. It is a bittersweet trade off the way things have worked out. I wouldn't have her if it weren't for you. I want so badly to know the reasons why, but for now I will soak up every minute I get to Mother your baby sister, I will soak up enough minutes for the both of us, okay? Don't think I miss you any less just because my arms are now filled, because there is still an empty place in my heart, for you, that will never be filled until we are united again. Thank you my sweet son for making me the Mother that I am. You help me every single day to remember to cherish every God-given second that I have with her. I appreciate the good, the bad, and the ugliest of days because of you. You make life beautiful. You are the best big brother, I hope you know. We love you and we miss you always.

Love Mom and baby Sister, Saylor.


Thursday, May 2, 2013

Also- for those of you who follow my posts on this blog, feel free to follow my monthly posts of loss, infertility, and adoption at www.smittenby.net. My posts go live the first Wednesday of every month. <3

Where I am now...nearly 11 months out.

Well, here I am... almost 1 year ago I was planning to meet you. This last year has been filled with my greatest joys, deepest sorrows, life-lessons learned, and love felt. In just 1 month I will be planning your birthday, but it will be so different than a typical one year old birthday. There will be no messy face, half-eaten cake, the blowing out of candles, gifts, laughs, and smiles. There will be balloons though. You won't be poking at them and carrying them around in your tiny hands. I will be sending them to you- in Heaven. As much as it hurts that this is my reality, it is just that- reality. I will openly admit that I have hard days without you here, but I have come to the point where I feel blessed. I feel blessed that I was given you, a choice spirit, a perfect angel as my son. How many people can say that? I feel blessed to have been given to opportunity to carry you for 9 months, and to feel your kicks and hiccups. Some people never get that opportunity. I feel blessed to know that you are mine forever, for eternity. You are my son and always will be my son and I will have the opportunity to raise you once again. I love you little man. Not a single day goes by that I don't think of you. I know I have you pulling for me in Heaven, and I have a feeling that we have some exciting things to come. <3