.JPG)
This quote speaks volumes about the way I am feeling right now, this very moment. This is not the life I had planned for myself. 22 years old, married almost 3 years and zero children here with me. I wish I had the eyes to see the bigger picture. I often wonder, when I am 80..90... will I look back and say that my life made perfect sense? That everything that transpired put me in the place I needed to be? I hope so. I hope this experience is making me the person I need to be for some reason that I do not know. Someone has told me that you can handle life's trials one of two ways... to be bitter or better. Bitter comes easy, but better makes LIFE easier. I could be bitter...upset with God, envious of those around me, angry, and withdrawn. Bitter about where I am in life, my new life. I choose to strive to be better...to allow myself to grow, to seek understanding, to learn and to love. It is not easy, but being bitter hurts my heart. Bitterness will not bring my son back, although I will admit those thoughts run through my mind at times. At 6weeks and 5days out from the loss of my precious son, I cannot tell if time is mending my broken heart, nor do I think it ever will. But life continues, the world keeps spinning, and here I am...stuck. 6 weeks has somewhat blurred the traumatic events leading up to Clutch's birth, and allowed me to focus more on the peaceful, precious moments I spent with my sweet Angel. I continue to feel his love for us everyday, I hope and pray that I am making him proud.
Kylee, you are such a great example of how I want to be. I know that Clutch is very proud of you. You have such a special place in my heart. Keep trudging through. It's gotta be so tough, but you are so strong. I know in my heart that you will have children with you on this earth. And when you get to be with Clutch again, you will live through the eternitys together. I love you girl!
ReplyDeleteIt is still a raw, open wound. Just be patient with yourself. I am not sure if I shared this on HALO, but this quote really helped me when my grieving seemed like it was going to consume me...."Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love." This is from a talk given by Elder Russell M. Nelson. It is really hard when the world keeps going, and you are still hurting deeply, but I think that is when the real growing happens, when we have to totally turn ourselves over to the Lord. It is so hard, but the refining is miraculous. You are doing great, just take it one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely making him proud! No doubt in my mind. You are the best example of what being better rather than bitter is all about. I am amazed every day at how strong you are and how you can still be happy for those around you and not resent Heavenly Father for what you have been put through. You are such an inspiration to so many, Kylee!! Thank you for being such a wonderful example.
ReplyDeleteKylee you are so amazing. I know I keep saying this but I am truly blown away at your strength. You are an inspiration to me & so many other people. Your strength has already helped & will continue to help other people push through life. I love you so much.
ReplyDeleteI know It's hard to figure out why we experience some things in our life, but I do know that the Lord is always with us. Through our trials we have gained a better relationship with our Heavenly Father, and I will always be grateful for that, even with the heart ache we've gone through. I know that our relationship with God is the one thing that can help us through whatever we might face in life. I was almost 25 and had been married 5 years when we adopted Carson. Like you said It's hard when things aren't going the way you planned, and I know that It's hard not to be bitter but by having a positive attitude we will see the blessings that come to us. I hope you know that I'm there for you! Love you!
ReplyDeleteKylee I have to say I've read this post a few times. Today I needed it. Other days I've just thought about it, but today I needed to read the words again. I need to borrow your strength and courage. Your faith is so amazing it makes me want to strengthen mine. I have learned SO much from you and your example. I think of you EVERY day. The quote at the beginning is something I wish I had read years ago. I hope one day I can be as inspiring as you. Your sweet little Clutch has changed the way I look at life. He's lucky to have had you as his mom.
ReplyDelete